I cant help with your boyfriend Im not good at that. My poodle is less than 10lbs, doesnt shed at all, and has never slobbered in her life. When you get back together, you will be more in love than before. If he wants to see other people, he likely would just break up with you. Yep. Like, not even a goldfish? I dont care if it only takes five minutes to walk a dog. Really, Mark, it sounds more like *you* just like to whine about people when they have feelings different from yours, no matter how reasonable. Your needs and desires and wants have to be heard and validated, and you have to learn how to compromise in ways that feel mutually agreeable. This letter is just so fricking whiney. in my case id grown up in a home where pets were not allowed so when my boyfriend suggested we get a dog i was totally up for it! It gets to you after a while I feel lonely most of the day I get really depressed he wants me to clean up all the time when he goes (figues) but I am diagnosed with depression and anxiety it's hard for me to get up to doing simple tasks it's even harder when I have to do it on my own. Do you put it on the same level as, say, moral/ethical/religious beliefs? I agree with the couples counseling. A man who hates dogs would be fundamentally incompatible with me, and I would find that out pretty quickly into dating and would not pursue a relationship further. The two of you might need to sit down and discuss this. You werent honest. If you dont find the info you need in this column, please visit the Dear Wendy archives or the forums (you can even start your own thread), do a search in the search bar, or submit a question for advice at wendy(AT)dearwendy.com. If her boyfriend loves the dog so much he should be caring for the dog and should actually enjoy caring for the dog. Key points In the case of a relationship that constantly feels like it needs fixing, true satisfaction will always feel just out of reach. Im not being judgey or snarky btw, just genuinely curious. These PTSD and comfort dogs are such bull. He just isnt in a good place to support you and love you as he usually does. Seriously, what's up with that? Whatever happens though just ensure the dog ends up in a good place its not the dogs fault. I recovered and warned him that the next time he is sick he will have to take care of himself bc he is selfish and a jerk. We also were in the middle of some heavy conversations about. I love dogs too. It means he thinks of you as an item, as a team. Iv been with my partner only 2 years yet everytime hes sick he bails out to go with his mates or even when I'm not sick, that or either on his game all day. Yeah, that and Was he thinking of me at all?he does it without really knowing how I feel about things or think to ask, which has gotten us into some sticky situations. So, youre dating someone who doesnt think your feelings or needs are really all that important. Good luck. You should live life the way you want. 2. He'll not only make room for your awesomeness in his life, but he will encourage you at every turn to do what feels right for you. Now you are polar opposites on dogs and each of you assigns life-and-death significance to this issue. Sheriff Grady Judd is briefing the media regarding the arrests of twelve people in a family-run drug trafficking operation in Winter Haven called Operation Family Affair. So I understand where shes coming from, its similar to my situation expectations and maybe his and her needs werent discussed properly. The bf should be taking 95% of the cost, both in money and in time. LW He didnt prioritize his feelings over yours, you prioritized his feelings over yours. Perhaps your boyfriend is struggling with this. What should you have done differently? I love dogs, I have two. And Im with for_cutie that the boyfriend should be taking on more of the responsibility/expense of the dog, since he is the one who wanted it. For instance, it could be in a social situation, where he defends your reputation or defends you when someone is being rude or unkind. Scan this QR code to download the app now. She definitely has to stop paying 50% of the cost for the dogs upkeep. Im sure there are people who dont love dogs but love children. That sentence really sticks out to me, too. Life throws way bigger issues at you. This is interesting to me. I didnt want things to fall apart again. Do you take care of your guy when he's sick? If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at we***@de*******.com. Some couples allow each other to date around while theyre on a break. The two arent at all the same thing. Morning Quickies: All I Wanted for Christmas Was a Key And He Didnt Give Me One, My Fianc Still Cares For His Exs Kids, She Told Me Shes Pregnant The Day before I Planned to Break Up With Her, My Sister Threw Our Parents A Surprise Party and Didnt Invite Me, DW Community Catch-up Thread (Formerly Anyone going on awesome dates?). Two things I believe to be true in relationships: Answer (1 of 4): He might be looking for a second mamma or a sugar lady. Another possibility is that your boyfriend is going through some personal problems. Been married 13+ yrs and anytime I am sick, according to him I act like I am dying. There are bigger issues at play here. For example, after you have been together for a year or so, it is normal to move in together. Particularly if shes having to do the lions share in taking care of it. His thought was that she just didnt like the idea of cats, but would actually enjoy the cat because he knew how much he enjoyed them growing up. Third, dog can relieve stress and fun to play with. Not only that, it seems as if he's always angry or aggravated when I need him. If the dog loses, it might pay the ultimate price. Its not worth it. That is his issues and you can only do so much. Its pretty crappy to argue someone *you know* doesnt want a dog into getting one, and then abandoning them to be the primary caretaker of it, yes? AskMen, Become a Better Man, Big Shiny Things, Mantics and guyQ are among the federally Im going to imagine this dog is rather neglected (maybe not criminally so but dogs want a lot of attention right? He moans, coughs straight out into the air (no covering his mouth), and totally takes advantage of the doctor telling him to stay home (not that I blame him there); basically, he acts like a kid trying to get some extra love. I think most people do realize this, perhaps not the intensity of the resentment that they cause, but they know that they steamrolled their SO into something that person really, REALLY didnt want. Thats the only part in the story that manipulative. it's always been me that has taken care of someone. He's Patient And Understanding Some poor schmoe gave birth to every person in jail for murder or assault. In this case the dog is probably better off in a different home because the LW is the one taking primary responsibility for the dog and she hates it. Northern Star Relationship advice for women that is researched-backed and data driven and actually works. This doesnt mean that he doesnt love you. However, if you see him take advice on markets or other investment avenues from all and sundry, and follow it blindly, sit back and think. That's true enough, but be realistic here it's one thing if he's a beer snob or if he never puts his clothes in the hamper, but it's entirely another if you're dating a narcissist who always puts himself first in the relationship. During all that, I was still not quite there yet or ready for a puppy at the moment. Yuck. Yeeeeep. I dont think its unreasonable to get a dog you dont want because itll make your SO happy. Sometimes its just easier to be single as you adjust to big changes, such as college. Equating that with hating kids is ridiculous .x. Dont you like it?. Break up with the guy. They are not compatible, they cant compromise in a healthy way, and they wont last. Second, the dog is innocent in this. When you marry, the two working, bill-paying adults in the house should set the important stuff togetherlike budget, schedule, vacations, house rules. At this point, I think she needs to tell him its not her dog and shes not taking care of it, period. She should break up with her boyfriend so that the dog is not in the hands of a new. We had to bide our time but eventually succeeded. Thats bad decision-making, and shows some callousness towards the animal from the boyfriend. I agree that it was dishonest to pretend to someday want a dog when she knew that she never would. My wife wants to be left alone all I want is take care of her just be there for her to help her I don't understand when I'm sick I love for her to take care of me maybe just hold my hand any one can help me, After 22 years of marriage , I've learned this the hard way and am done once our oldest has graduated high school. Let's settle this once and for all. So, I came about to be a relationship advice writer! 2023 Cond Nast. (M/F, late 20s) Both of our families were abusive, but in drastically different ways, because my husband is a man and I'm a woman. 2 days of "and the lord heard me - i have my answers" || nsppd || 6th july 2023 I also have extremely high libido and like kissing cuddling he seems to care more about food and anything Hes working on it he says I see some improvement .. but I still am confused, Do some guys house wifes bc he seems to want me to have kids back to back and watch them and cook also he wants me to raise 4 kids in ever year near each other? Another sign that he's clearly serious about your relationship is that he wants you to meet his family specifically, his parents. Don't do or say much of anything . Honestly? My concern is that he's spent so long taking care of me, and now I'm in a position to repay him for that love and kindness, but he's worried I'll think of it as me owing him and we'll end up back in the roles we fought so hard to escape from. I looked up the name Maru and there is a celebrity cat with that name. December 22, 2016, 9:18 am. Guy didnt wish me happy birthday am I wrong to be upset? You could try to reframe the dog duty as a chore you do in service of your relationship because the dog brings your BF joy and your BF brings you joy. The good news about this one is that there's no danger of taking it personally - it's all about him. Seriously, what's up with that? Every couple should come up with their own terms for the break. You don't want to marry a man with kids, trust me. Honestly I dont think he surprised OP with a puppy because he thought she would like it and he wanted to do something nice for her; I think he wanted to get her off his back about having kids so he was like Heres a puppy. The boyfriend whined and badgered her but his intent was clear and she chose the dog deliberately as a means of keeping him. Which is significantly shorter than the average commute. Follows investing tips blindly You can't expect to know all about your partner's investing habits right after you start dating. If they dont have pets, its because their life circumstances mean they wouldnt be able to care for one in the way a pet should be cared for right now (busy a lot, at work all the time, travel a lot, etc) but they want them in the future. Hah. He shouldnt be dumping the physical care on her. Have at it. Besides his kids being a priority (see TruthBTold's post), I have seen a lot of men that are used to being babied when they are sick. And no the dog wont grow on you. The very thought makes me gag. Lately he finds more reasons than not to leave the house to help someone else anybody else. He is Transparent. I didnt read this as saying that if you dont like dogs, you shouldnt have kids. 2023 ZIFF DAVIS CANADA, INC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. In a relationship it is give and take or yield to each other and understand for each other not calculate. That should have been a strong hint that perhaps you werent right for each other. Hes trying to protect you and preserve the relationship. Dropping the dog off at a shelter isnt acceptable, but seeing it directly to a new home that is capable and willing to care for it is in some instances, okay. as to the writer, i understand what youre going through and yet to say anything to my partner. That sense of total dependency is not a sound basis for a relationship. He knows youd rather give in than make him sad, or break up. And leaving dog poop to fester in your yard is also gross. Lord only knows why you think THAT would be a good idea. It seems like there are larger issues that the two of you need to work on, anyway. Is the dog a pain in the ass? Its a pretty irritating stigma for those of us who fight to have telecommuting allowed, and make sure we uphold out end of the bargain. I certainly dont want to be picking it up fresh and warm off the ground. It's one of the signs that a guy is hiding his true feelings for you. Glamour may earn a portion of sales from products that are purchased through our site as part of our Affiliate Partnerships with retailers. Receive weekly tips & tricks to improve your love life. Place your bets. Look in this pups sweet eyes and happy face think about how she still trusts you enough to go out walking with you, when you have said here that you loathe her. You sound like a fucking peach. December 22, 2016, 11:50 am. I agree with you that she shouldnt have to help care for it IF she were upfront about that in the first place. I was scared that if I stood in his way, he would resent me and it would weaken our relationship. If this is the case, he should definitely let you know where he stands prior to the break. Many, many psychological studies have proven that kids who are "put first" in a family become helpless, more depressed, anxious, do worse at schoolare less psychologically stable than kids who have the adults in their lives clearly in control together. Do you mean you dont have friends who arent dog people ? Im learning my guy tends to want to assume and want to surprise me (which is sweet, dont get me wrong) but he does it without really knowing how I feel about things or think to ask, which has gotten us into some sticky situations. Need help with your relationship? One of the signs he cares more than he says is by treating you like a partner, not just a crush. Try to work it out: In the end, even paying a renter or nonpaying guest to go away might be faster and cheaper than trying to evict him. Yeah and just really the attitude that if he surprises her, she has to just accept whatever it is he foists on her because he means well and wants to make her happy (or so she assumes). We both love dogs though and he loves my two cats, so this was a deal-maker! If your boyfriend doesnt want to give you all of the details about his familys problems right now, dont force him. Td;rl: is this a odd situation he also is very supportive loving and does try and work on things if Im upset also said he didnt start having emotions since 3 years ago and hes never loved or cared or had someone care for him other then me .. Archived post. I dont know if you have to be super wildly in love with the dog to co-exist with one. Utilize this tool to verify if he's truly who he claims to beWhether you're married or just started dating someone, infidelity rates have risen by over 40% in the past 20 years, so your concerns are justified. With just a few of his basic details input into the algorithm, it can generate a huge database of information regarding his communications. My friends had the same situation, except with a cat. Whether or not you decide to keep the dog (and, obviously, if you decide to stay together and to re-home Fido, work diligently on finding it a loving, stable home where it will be wanted and loved and well cared-for!
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