Are we living in "haram cities" or something? Because he LOVED FOR THE HER PIETY NOT FOR HER BREAST>>. But Islam has its limitations. Im reminding you of this because I want you to realize that you are not in hell; you had a choice and you did not weigh rationally what was the best decision to take at that time. The husband should have taken a stance during the engagement. behind marriage and its purposes, and correct your relationship with Allah, Well I am really not very comfortable talking about it. I pray may Allah azza wajaal accept our humble efforts and provide solutions to all our problems. And the solution is not very straight forward. Support her in this cause and do not turn your ears to what people say. June 19, 2018 In "Feelings" Divorce or what? in remedying the problem is for you both to understand that one of the aims and My heart goes out to this Sister. ), Here is a decent read: http://www.elroubyegypt.com/it/islamic_opinion.html. Now plz google about zero size, small breasts models you will see that Fashion designers prefers small breasted women over large ones due to whatever reasons also once you r normal after sex Believe me Small Or Large does not make any difference anyways give urself one more try and if u r not satified witb ur parents decesion then try breast implants or marry a cow. You may want to talk to your wife because you can't just know by looks. This is the type which is cursed in the saheeh hadeeths. In many traditions, the couple never see each other before the actual engagement and sometimes the engagement is done by proxy and they don't see each other until the wedding. Its the best others can do for you. There is something she can do medically. Yes. Do we drive on "haram" roads or something? It just a try. We fall and we get up. But you must remind yourself you are not perfect, did you ever think there may be something about you that does not attract her to you but she has You are a party in this marriage on equal terms as your husband. 2) The other type of lineage is "Hasab", which. It seems to us that the essence of I am concerned that with your mentioned low self esteem you are easier to manipulate. Please stop that and think logic. The husband needs to grow up. I can quote basic psychology in humans but you can check the hadith of Prophet Muhammad (S.A.W) of the criteria of selecting a spouse. At physical level, a women can "beautify" herself for her spouse to arouse him. You can consider having a second wife, since it is absolutely permisable in islam.. How about vaginoplasty? I am 34 years old and been married for 5 years with a one 3 year old. It was arranged marriage. Moreover, this Many thanks people. "Sexually attraction is just in the mind.. Free your mind from any sexual desire (big breast, fair skin etc).". I always used to visit this website, but I never advised anyone. what if you loose your wife and then the next wife with bigger breasts is the worldest biggest slut. I wish i could share my woesbut I can'tmy libaas (or my cloth) is torn and untidybut it is difficult to expose itI hope allah gives me the changing needle and thread of true faith or emaan to sew my libaas back to it's old state..insha Allah! I know this.. what if you loose your wife and then the next wife with bigger breasts is the worldest biggest slut. interested in you. My parents really like the girl and vice versa. "I heard from imam" is not a valid argument. Learn from mistakes and improve what you can. The wife is born the way she is. But i have read in a sura somewhere that it is best to marry someone for their commitment to islam. its effects on daily interaction, because that poses a threat to the children If she compromises with you on several aspects then you should also do the same with her. The first step Her body is not defected. This dunya is temporary and our only chance to do good and make it to Jannah inshaaAllah. 1- Wife beating is not allowed in Islam! I beg to Allah swt in my duahs yet I can't see change. I really do agree with you but it is bad enough as it already, divorcing her for her physical appearance will cause this lady even more suffering..This dude is only focusing on lust, it is the effect of watching indecent shows on TV and not lowering gaze when looking at women..His wife probably loves him a lot and he needs to focus on that love and purify his heart of satanic thoughts. First marrying her then leaving her heart broken and throwing her aside to find a more beautiful woman, I don't know how much of a trauma it will cause this lady whose purity he has already taken away.He needs to take some responsibility for his actions and learn to love her and only the Quran can be a cure to that..On the contrary if his wife was to divorce him I will support and respect her decision.. Salaam well i married without seeing a photograph or webcam etc. Muslim sister, let's offer advice without the laughter, please. If you had one testicle or small manhood would u like your wife to judge the live on that alone? My ex-husband is my ex-husband now because he also had an obsession for women with large breasts. that you do not see haram and halal ? My opinion I dont know actually is Allah who made her like this and Allah wrote your name in her destiny so I think it maybe not sure will be better for you both if you see her heart. No woman stays young and beautiful, if we would be able to raise our Iman we could be able perhaps to overlook physical matters, love and enjoy each other more through spiritual bonding which has no age or limits. Give your wife a break. These processes involve altering natural environments themselves. If you feel uneasy and unsatisfied with certain physical attributes of your husband, then you should sit down with him and kindly try to explain to him how you truly feel. So drinking and gambling should be resumed to? Assalamualikum. Answer is always in our heart, may Allah guide you and make your path easier for you. I know it hurts my wife each time I make excuses and get angry over intimacy I was in a similar situation as you. Attracted to a very young girl and hopes she would be his wife in the future I find myself in a most unusual of a situation I recently came to know a girl whos not too distantly related to me She is no older than 4 or 5 and Im in my late teens I only saw her over the course of a few weeks while I was visiting my homeland I am currently studying in the west and only go back once every few years . I dint see her before marriage, (i demanded to see her but her parents refused to show). I mean this one issue alone is not sufficient to make you rue 'why marrying her'.. Why should we restrict ourselves in having the kind of wife we want? document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); Guess Who? Generally, nobody would advise you to break your marriage. What can I do.. If I knew about this before the marriage I would not go ahead with the marriage. doubt that what you have mentioned is a problem for which you must examine the You are her husband. These ladies should understand that being rigid is not a solution to a problem in a relationship. It is easy for the advises like " Love her" and dont bother this. Instead of shying from your wife and doing wrong things in her absence, you should talk to her about your situation. He would gaze at endowed women on the street or anywhere one was found, obsess to the point where when I was sick, he would tell me to bring him two very large breasted women to my bed to satisfy him up to intercourse. Only you know what you are personally going through and only you can change that. sia Like this: Loading. Then one day she got into a horrible accident and her body became deformed and she no longer had that beautiful body or face. You can't have it all. If this is so, then I can say surely that it was a great mistake from the girl's parents side to hide this from you. Build her up, attention affection appreciation because I bet she's insecure as heck now. Makeup is so much more than putting on a clown mask (which I know is very common in the Middle East). considering khula, khula, Marriage, , not attracted to him, not attracted to husband, physical appearance, unhappy marriage spouses live under the same roof for four years, without any intimacy taking Paradise in the Hereafter). Islam Q&A, You can ask your question on the website via this link: https://islamqa.info/en/ask, Password should contain small, capital letter and at least 8 characters long, Log in As it was an arranged marriage; my mother showed me 2-3 pictures of my future wife. Brother, size shouldn't matter at all, and if it does matter, then it only matters in hollywood or movie and music industries. Counseling that is. No holding back. just hope things work out between you 2. inshAllah dont be low. It is important to look on the purpose of creation not so much for enjoyment of creation perhaps. With regard to your question, Dr. Abdel-Ghaffar Hamed Hilal, former Dean of the Faculty of Arabic . I hate being attracted to women, and have sworn to Allah that I will never get married, I delayed intimacy with my husband due to my in-laws but now regret it. I know a lovely Moroccan woman who is extremely beautiful but, she was in the same position as that of your wife. Just as women. This is a blessing in todays world brother since approximately 50% of marriages are ending in divorce these days. Brother, there is nobody perfect in this world, everybody has flaw. Therefore their primary focus is on the person's character and piousness towards Islam and not beauty. You can think whatever of our ideas but our lives should be lived by our choices. If he buys you a new smartphone, use it. However, I felt the need to address some points concerning relationships. Plastic surgery is forbidden if not done to save a life. Islam is clear. I really do. Partially I used to be in shoes of original question poster,s wife. 6. brother his wife and women in totally are human beings with senses not just a body in this world waiting to be dependant on a husband and just getting married on a piece of paper should be enough for them to be happy!!! Or if you tell her that you are divorced, you are divorced, you are divorced, three time. Now all has been done. P.S. There are many things that are to be blamed: the society , the way they consider the engagement like a marriage.. etc.. My advice is first there should be reason why it is small. And I know is hard for you to understand this but looks will change sooner or later and if you really wanna a women for her looks then go marry a big chested women. Trust in Allah, rely on Him, and look forward to a happy life with her. And what when you have kids? Brother, I can truly understand your feelings because someone I really care about went through the exact samething and he means a brother to me so I was depressed seeing him depressed. You really have three options: 1. This mentality needs to change as it's not Islamic. Best of luck and inshallah you find some sort of solution to your issue. be attracted to her for this length of time? Arrogance is a form of disease. The marital This is never a cut and dried matter. Najah, this fatwa ia sadly not helpful. Allah Almighty have instructed women to be submissive and loyal to their husbands. Do you think real women are born in the pages of men's magazines? I love my husband deeply with all my heart and everyday I try to fullfill his desires. Is this the kind of marriage you want? you have no right to judge a person apart from Allah.Allah can give you wealth and a beautiful lady and take her away from you so dont judge till you know you deserve it. After all you have to face Allah in the end and not anyone on any website. And would like to let you know. Are you sure he is not conveniently using your body as an excuse which covers over an entirely different topic? May Allah help you to open your eyes to see other side of your wife's qualities which you don't notice and be grateful for that. Allah gave you this nice woman to marry, but you, out of arrogance, are claiming to unatracted to her only because of one insignificant reason. You really need to give this marriage thought as it is early days and you are young. This is your honeymoon period and you must be into each other all the time . A Lamborghini isn't as a bugatti but it still turns heads. Nadia. Some women use these tools because their breasts have become saggy. We both started to work from home and basically see each other all time. If she is happy with bigger breast or the man has a really small penis and surgery can make your relationship happy and save the marriage. I ask Allah for forgiveness. Didn't think so. Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafseer, and Arabic. The issue is he wants big breasts. Depression can only be cured by prayer sunnah and obligitory, reading Quran, and rememberance of Allah. Questions cannot be asked through this form. and your wife. If you agree to something stick to it. So why just single out cosmetic surgery? From reading your post!!!! Ask him if he thinks its reasonable? He should have manned up when he was engaged and found out she was the way she was and called it off. This is already said earlier, but I repeat, even if you saw her in-person before getting married, you wouldn't be able to tell the size of the breast/back because push up bra and hip-lift underwear is out there for women to enhance their beauty. I do'nt want to lose him because I really love him for the fact that when we don't argue everything is fine. I believe that your wife still has many good qualities you could be interested in. Stay away from evil haram and enjoin in Halal. [A suggestion for the guys who didnt marry yet: Please please please do not marry some one whom you didnt see face to face. (ii)Those who were not created that way; rather they choose to imitate women in their movements and speech. you cannot force a union. Do everyone a favor and set her free. Just 5-6 times sex in last one year????? address the issue of your not being attracted to her and her not being Instincts? Now i dont have any physical attraction towards her since first day and i am not getting satisfied in any way. I didnt have the chance to see her face to face before the engagement because we were living in 2 different countries. You are here: Home Intimacy, Islamic Answers 2009, Problems in the Marriage, Sexual Issues My husband does not find me attractive. I also look for a man who appeals to me physically, of course i understand he may not be models material etc. Also, pray to Allah Almighty for forgiveness. is islam nothing to you ? You would be booted out of the house, and rightfully so. if yes then that means you dont want a wife for the life here after you want her in this world you want paradise here and not when you die. She is very happy with no regrets. Abu abdullah, do women not have hormones to? Not said anything and grown to love you and that has attracted her? But put it this way; are you willing to commit sins and make your way to hell or are you going to face some worldly problems but try your best to gratify Allah Almighty. My other concern is that you know what his dream woman looks like and compare yourself to her (Drew Barrymore - and other curvy women) - this, to me, signals that this man has lustful eyes after other women. I want to avoid adultery. May Allah bless us and guide in right path Set yourself free and find yourself a beauty queen. If he buys you some jewelry, wear it. I'm sorry if I am being a bit harsh. one more thing you shouldn't be sharing your sex life with the world talk to your wife about it and then decide after what you wanna do. I was even worse! Well I don't know for sure, but are we humen allowed to change allah's creation? Your partner may deny dissatisfaction, but you can . 1. Got married recently. Say shahada, do your prayers, make zakkat, fast, and go on Hajj. Or you find your love or you get the job of your dreams. And because islam has its limits. My third and final point is thatif you really want to pay more attention to your appearance, you can. Let her go with kindness and justice and remarry. I didn't have the chance to see her face to face before the engagement because we were living in 2 different countries. Lol brother if your not attracted to her then why you living a hard life and why you making her live a hard life, even though I really don't see the problem here and that's not something u should be depressed over and I don't think you love her you just like her! To the brother who posted this question, may I know whats happening now btween u n ur wife? Your comment was brilliant. Should a woman trim her genitals because her husband finds them flappy? Very petite before marriage. Log in, Join our e-mail list for regular site news and updates, All Rights Reserved for Islam Q&A 1997-2023. neither i like her physical looks nor her character. Trust me your girl is your best investment. Yea see the face and hands not her cheat. How about zina? This is not to say he does not have feelings, care, and love for you, but it may not be the quality of a marital partnership and Allah (swt), Most High, knows best. Brother do not make your wife feel any worse or unconfident. I personally wear much more subtle makeup on a daily basis. Would a woman dare tell her husband he should get a penis enlargement and him not divorcing her? The reason for breasts is for mothers to feed their babies. Also, their is a great chance of falling into sins. I understand that everybodys perspective of marriage is different and their expectations of their future spouse. Depression takes away all the small joys of life and destroys physical attraction to a spouse. My self esteem is so low at this moment. I wish you the best in life. P.s brother hell doesn't come close to what your feeling. . You did your best that is what counts. Tablets can be taken to help breast tissue grow but it will not change so much to suit your perfect idleistics results vary from patient to patient it may be only a small increase. Start with what the Quran says on marriage. My suggestion to you is, No to second wife unless if you want more headache in your life and No plastic surgery on your wife because it is HARAM, plus most educated non-Muslims are against putting themself or anyone under the knife. Don't be so close minded. Surgery is a tool in this modern time to help man or woman out. But you know what, your still not dead so don't give up. And may Allah make room for you all in the highest level of Jannah. I have a major problem that is causing me great mental and physical pains and I pray you can advise me. As you establish a long-term partnership with someone, however, you exchange the rush of excitement for comfort and routine. Asalamualaikum! Just as you have physical needs, so does your wife. If she still does not please you then it's your call. A person's body changes with passage of time. Plus wives are not sex toys, the way you're despising her small boobs I hope she isn't complaining about your small dick. Go out on honeymoon somewhere, if only for a couple of days. a matter of fulfilling your desires and needs; rather it is important to keep It's 95% mental & 5% physical. Before I give you my final piece of advice, I want to explain one thing to you. My husband is cheating on me with no remorse, what should I do? Problem with your advice: Breast augmentation is not islamic. Honestly brother please be a bit more considerate towards this highly sensitive and perhaps look into any underlying issues you may have with this type of super difficult situations. may Allah increase the love between you and your wife.ameen. As long as you do good things will turn out good. So try hard to She is also suffering. Have you ever talked to her about the issue? This matter should be resolved BEFORE MARRIAGE. Is she respectful towards your parents and siblings? Sister, if it was me, I would not marry a man who's attracted to a totally different type than I am. Lets take a litmus test first. Marry a 2nd wife and treat both with equality/justice. But, when we try to please others that's when we suffer. I am suffering every day. what about honesty and her sexual desires you can't just turn her off whenever you feel like it, mohd it seems in every chance you get you bring pologamy into everything. 3- You should search for a woman that observes Prayer regularly as Prayer is the cornerstone of Islam. I am in the medical profession myself. Wake up and see the real world Wael. It works and she is healthy. She cannot change herself. Brother, how is that possible before marriage and how is that fair on any Muslim girl???! Can't women also have preferences regarding mens physical attributes?? 49455, There is no Any way within few months I expected a baby and physically started looking mature. this behaviour you cannot establish a successful I really dont know what do. However after marriage when I got to know him as a person and I found his personality very attractive and then his phisical appearance became less insignificant to me to the point that I did not care at all about his looks, it did not bother me at all. whose family have ethical commitments and she herself is. Attraction? Any woman should be happy if her husband is a helping hand and would encourage her to enhance her appearance for him. if hell does not come close to what your feeling ? you are a jerk, didn't have enough guts to break the engagement..now don't lament over itWhat do u mean what u should do? In many situations it is not only Islam that has to be considered but also traditions and culture mixed with Islam. Solution; Let me be clear that it was my own decission since I've got so much information from my husband about now my beautiful religion. NOTE: "False desires" is the key word here. They to feel lustful. And yes i was born in england went school college uni etc. I think that you are the one who is causing the problems in your marriage making it hell and when you found out there was an issue around after being engaged you should have asked questions and talk with her, having going by the picture you must have been attracted to her otherwise why would you have gone through with it. But talk it out with her. her libido is? This poor guy is emotionally hurt a lot. Should they also examine WHY he is small and find herbal or medical remedies to help him grow? You should help her invest in a breast enhancement surgery and everything will be okay. You claim that you only saw your wifes picture before marriage and did not see her in real life. Polygamy in islam is created to help men find a younger, better model of wife. At the end of the day you need to decide if this is something you want for the rest of your life if you cant work it out. Suicide in Islam; Tawbah in Islam. Situation may change after you together have a baby.. Women breasts are given to feed a child, if those can provide food for the baby, that's only what man should be worried about in my opinion. Do not let your unhappy married life be an excuse for committing sins which could become a burden for you on the day of judgement. one another, such as bad treatment, being too busy, or other reasons. He admits when he's outside and he sees a woman with a big butt he stares and he has tried to pray and make dua to ask Allah for help but he can't get rid of this desire. 3. What if you did marry a woman who's body fitted your criteria, after she gives birth she may change and then what? A few words on breast enlargement: But to change what the almighty has created is unislamic. I'm surprised no one else has mentioned this, but you do know that when she becomes pregnant, her breasts will become larger? For how long? THAT IS IT! Share your thoughts and memories with her - treat her like your friend. relationship is based on fulfilling rights and duties more than it is based on I hope no one in this world hurt each other with force or WORDS. Second I think you should consider couples therapy. Don't walk away from a potential life partner because of a concern you have not given him a chance to address. wife, you are still responsible for maintaining her chastity and you have to do He needs to be told he is in the wrong and he must desist. CHECK: A woman can be physically average but may have a positive personality; she is likely to be a caring wife. Are you originally Muslim or converted. I can believe chest size is such a big dealPlease recite Quran and read hadith to purify you mind from such shallow thoughts! Its not over til the Trumpet is Blown Sin and Repentance in Islam, The Sin of Fornication and Adultery Part 1, The Sin of Adultery and Fornication Part 2, The Sin of Adultery and Fornication Part 3, I want to reconcile with my wife, who claims her parents blackmailed her. Would you be ok with you wife saying that to you? Here are some thoughts for your consideration. Aljohara, we have a long queue of people waiting to receive answers and advice. although seeing each other face to face may give you an idea if you are attracted to her but it will only be an idea, not anything more than that. its disturbing a lot. In Shaa Allah you both could be more attractive for each other by building your bodies together. xuchia117 and Bombvoyage, these responses are becoming comical. I don't think divorce is a better optionit never is . brother if you can afford a second wife go for itsexual satisfaction in marriage is your rightif you think you are not satisfied with your wife marry a second wife but do keep both with love and care justly.if you can't afford a second then ask Allah to give you sabr because Allah is with the sabireenand hopefully Inshallah you enter paradise where Inshallah you get lots of hoors. I am a 30+ guy. almost all the scholars in Islam are absolutely unanimous in their opinion that there is no harm if the modern advancements in medical knowledge and surgery is used to repair or replace people who have damaged their body parts or have had an accident, etc. We do not even share the same bed." A few words on sexual attraction: Would you feel the same way if your wife asked you to enlarge your penis because she likes that or worse doesn't feel satisfied? Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 4 Surah Nisaa verses 118-121: I don't know brother if my thoughts are practical or not but this is how I think maybe I am wrong. how dare you advice breast implant what allah made changing it is haram why should it be changed why should a women go through this much pain ? It's insulting. I understand your situation and I pray that Allah swt instils love between your wife yourself that goes beyond the physical attraction component. And i dont want to commit haram with any other woman for satisfying my needs. She is a saint if she haven't complained or showed frustration/resistance to you. place, in sha Allah. We come in all shapes and sizes. You can't guard somebody 24/7. In this scenario, nobody (I repeat: nobody) is in the position to judge such a women negatively. Her body type is not up for negotiation. some of you people are brainwashing him, about the surgery he's already looking for someone to give him bad advice,Allah has made a couple for everyone, everyone's destiny is already written, you cant change what you have, it's like saying we all wanna be rich and forcing ourselves to be rich, but we can't cuz in our destiny it's written about what were going to gain and what were going to loose. Your (female) spouse is much more then an object of lust and desire; she commits herself to you for both her's and your needs. hope to marry into 'a good family', Muslim men love the idea of. Be patient and ask for Allah's help as it is a test for you. This is important for her and yourself. Brother I can understand your pain for wanting bigger breasts (some prefer bigger hips,etc). Do not tell her it is because of her breast size. I'm very aware and everytime I see myself I tell myself it's the inside that matters. Changing what Allah has created is not halal. Please pray for me. But surgery to please your husband because he was to much of coward to call off the engagement in the first place and wants big breasts? the devils court ya and ur trapped cuz ALLAH has created everyone how ever he wishes.
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