When I mentioned going to practice on my own tonight, he actually asked if I would be okay going on my own ! We have a 5 year old together. Hang on a second girls. Im happy he loves his hobby & yes he told me he still loves me but come on husbands,make time for your spouse too! It is normal to worry if he's okay after the breakup because I mean, this is someone you were with. Normally you would want to see how your ex-husband reacts when he sees or knows that guys are moving to you. Most of the channel all their energy and emotions into obsessing and pursuing one particular person that they fail to develop healthy friendships with other people. My husband doesnt require much sleep. I have a very beautiful daughter (ALL DAD COMMENT) and along with being attuned to 7year old, 1st-grade, fashion queen sessions, I do try to include athletics, painting, hiking, LEGOs, etc SO that she can make HERSELF happy. I am glad its not an addiction to women or drugs But this is equivalent to gambling. He happened to have my birthday off in August so I thought we could go out to lunch. On to of that, Im pregnant with our first child And I definitely feel like Im doing this alone. You wont have to worry every night whether youre going to get any attention from your spouse. He watches animae which is different to me. Ive supported him went to shows and help sell tickets for it more then once. Not smart ladies! Rebuilds engines, welds, body work Etc. Despite those feelings, I do not deny him sex because I happen to enjoy sex. Little do they know the bullying that goes on behind the scenes to their mother. I told him that when i agreed he could do league I was under the impression that it would be a once a week thing and that is it. This seems more like an act of jealousy and control. One more thing keep in mind his daughter is in Softball year round and his son is also year round. I feel like he picks racing over everything, everytime. No Xmas presents. I have pieces of it in my garage, driveway, and backyard. I wish all u ladies the best of luck and will be praying for yall, Im so glad theres others out there going through the same thing. That may sound strange, but stay with us here. He has an obsessive personality. Its his obsession and passion only. When he comes home on Saturday, he watches golf or sports on TV. He turned it around and told me to come with them then. He says he is provider and I could do what I want with my time . I go to the races with help him get stuff packed in his number one fan. People with obsessive ex syndrome always find it difficult to let go. Every time I bring up the fact that I would like to come along more or miss I doing these activities together, he says Im acting jealous and am being unreasonable for not wanting to let him spend time with his friends. So WHY did he want to get married? For 12 yrs we might have been intimate 2 dozen times, I was exhausted and always felt I was less important than 4 legged animals which I grew to despise. She can do whatever she pleases. Um. Before we were married, he filed for bankruptcy ( had a failed debt consolidation years earlier) and I THOUGHT hed learned a lesson about reckless, selfish, spending. Im a new bride (older than most and its not my first rodeo). NO. She gets it. I thought we were bonding it was great. So, how far is too far? Sounds like one big loop hope so that you just end up being stuck dealing with their obsession rather than really dealing with the issue. She then lies around at home for an hour before going back to the yard to give them lunch. Every day after work hes at the quad workbench until well after everyone else is asleep and then sleeps in the guest bedroom because its close to the work station. I joined a samba band and we are well into the gigging season. How do I fix these problems? Get the hell out now.l, you are not a priority in their life, and they are doing the bare minimum. This isnt necessarily good advice, not all of it is idiotic, but most of it will be a waste of these peoples time. Another way to find out if you've got an obsessive ex is if they show signs of excessive jealousy. In case this is beyond you and you really don't know how to help him, seek help from a professional. OP should be prepared for that and the impact it has on her marriage. I spend one to two hours a day 6 days a week on my hobby. He was the only child too and always relied on his mother for money and tried to bail out on our marriage twice and went to her house and called her behind my back. That didnt go very well, he isnt getting done anytime soon and he will never be done coaching High School. That's okay. I give 110% and I dont believe I can give anymore effort. Ask questions to enter your spouses world as much as possible, see whats good about it, then share it to the degree that you can. Ive had 30 plus years of being overlooked by the great out doors.We now live seperate lives cos he took my request for him to back down a little on the hours,days and weeks out and about, as a demand to stop completely. It seems the car addiction hobby is a common theme. I didnt realize there were so many people in this situation. It is bad, if he doesnt have an issue with it, he finds one just so he can leave and go find something that he thinks might be better. At times he wouldnt come home from car meets until 3am. Since he is Autistic, Im not sure what to do or if things will ever change. They don't care how a certain decision makes you feel. This is being gone every night 8:30- 9 pm. I just want the freedom to do the things I want, and her to do the things she wants. For the first time in my life I felt like I had something that was mine. Sex, wife, family, friends, God, all seems secondary meanwhile he can climb a new mountain any day off he has. He doesnt really associate with him much but he will be mean then send cards and try to act nice. I am so alone within our relationship. I will even offer to take her out (with or without kids), but it never happens because nothing gets planned or we cant find a babysitter, etc. Les and Leslie Parrott. 876 Experience: LMSW, CASAC Verified Honestly, it is so weird. Of course when he was courting me it was all different. Just recently, hes taken on snow removal contracts and land clearing contacts. Sometimes he goes with just his friends and I encourage that. The issue is one person being the only one to accommodate the other persons schedule. Ive tried writing up a list of the repairs and he says to me who do you think you are giving me orders? Again really?????? When he is deployed he would make purchases and send them to the house and i had to open the boxes and show him the stuff when it came in, i always thought that was very selfish of him due to the fact that we have children that need to be tended to no this hobby stuff. I think women put up with way too much. My husband has always enjoyed playing disc golf but due to his work schedule he was never really able to play much. He worked nights, our son was at school during the day so wed play. fantasies about death. So not only is he gone all day Monday between work and league but then he wants to play on Saturdays and sundays too. I earned it. My daughter tells me mom things could be worse, he could be out drinking all the time but I just dont know how that makes things better. Also, he gets a bit annoyed because each time I come along he feels he has to watch me, otherwise I would do something inappropriate. Please agree with us in prayer for Gods will in all of it. All he can talk about is what car he needs to drive the child around in. especially when the person wanting you there watches it with their phone in their hand anyway. This is very difficult for me because intimacy to me means that its something you lead up to after an evening of sharing time and romantic feelings. I dont think you are cut out to be with the family as per your sentence, My family cant compete. Why did you even place yourself in a position to have a family? Or whether he has active Tinder or dating profile? Well his schedule has changed and we recently moved close to a course. Weve spoken about it so many times but none of it seems to sink in. This tool will give you the biggest clue as to how your ex is getting on, and dont worry, its 100% discreet. Wow. Im not sure all this gentle approach stuff works enough. They both live more than 1,000 miles away. He LOVES CYCLING. He was my rock when I cared for my dying parents for the last 3 years. He also couldnt take me out to dinner that night. He has always been into cars mostly building a drag racing car. Honestly, I am totally fine with that. So glad to hear from other women going through the same. It was nice initially, to have him engage with my hobby so willingly but I am thankful that he will never join in I want more balance, and I want him to lose his smug attitude. Set limits. I will share a suggestion from our counselor. I can tell you all right now, anyone who fills their schedule up with things to do, is actually tell you they dont want to do you, and pretty much wanting out or starting to, and is then stringing you along. I am not hugely successful, but I have had a good deal of things published, won a major award, and my writing has been solicited by publishers. My question is, how do I approach him now without him immediately becoming defensive? They both work full time and I dont mind doing things like cooking for my family and keeping things clean. Because the three of us live in different parts of the country . I just dont know what else to do. I often feel his distaste for my hobby is that he is overwhelmed in his own world and craves simplicity and my 100% undivided attention and love. We should always be thinking of the other person, and that means not only allowing them to enjoy the things they want to do, but being supportive and not critical if it. When he wakes up to go to bed, many times hes revived and wants to be intimate. The obsessive ex syndrome can be harmful for both former partners. But he can never let up and just realx anymore. His initial obsession with sex will come down with a passage of time. I just feel so alone and dismissed, like he no longer finds me interesting and it is ruining our marriage. I literally LOLd with a tear at both of your comments. Right now its fishing. Its just too much. Which I do mostly attend, but at first it didnt infringe on our relationship. So that was weight that i needed to e lifted off my shoulders and we love birds kept the relationship going. We got over the fight basically because he got mad at me and we both hardly talked to each other the whole afternoon and I had to come up with something for us to do as a family then because he wasnt going to just sit around. Sorry for the book but it felt good to write this all out. I dont mind spending time alone when hes working or playing golf, but I would like the time we do have together to be quality time and it isnt. What should I do if my husband is obsessed with me? Not obese but almost 200 but almost 6 foot. Our son has been on cloud 9, ever since mommy and daddy came back together. After all, he works all week and the evenings are filled with making supper and bathing children, etc. So I warn those in similar circumstances to take heed and follow Les and Leslies recommendations. When we got into our relationship i knew he loved baseball but he also showed me the love and time that i needed to keep going forward with his baseball. Some might even go the extra mile to get you back just to break your heart in order to fulfill their desires. nghts but hes fine if he can be on the forums texting his buddies or tinkering on his hobby. I just discovered that he spent my inheritance from my recently deceased parents on hunting and the other woman. Hard to fit the family on it. He is also always on his phone when he is in the house looking for parts online for it. I raised the kids alone, tried working to fill the gaphelped our family members pass to the other sideand now in my 50s Im lonelier than ever. I also struggle with my spouse who spends most of his free time working on his fathers farm. I buy my own food, clothes, pay my own bills, etc. I am fed up! So knew about his hobbies of racing & I didnt go to big events until later on, but Ive noticed if hes not working hes on his phone chatting about rc & if its not that hes helping out at the track. This is not something you can just do here and there, pick it up drop it etc etc. And there would still be the issue of wanting to do non-golf things with my partner: breakfast, brunch with friends, daytime stuff! I didnt get married to be constantly alone. If the amount of time he puts into making contact with you overshadows his time with his father, mother, or even other women, then hes probably obsessed. What should you do? If someone is cajolling you into give something up like that, THEY are nothing but selfish. You should find an Autism disorders family support group. Another problem is I will text him and he never replies but his friends text and he replies real quick top them. So dont be like me, constantly bending and accommodating. In the past I have had many interests. And spends a fortune on it too. I dont think this is exclusively something to do with men. Weve been married 30 years and he still doesnt get it. Ive taken the approach of the article but it doesnt work. She gets up at 5:30 every morning, goes to the yard and rides 4 horses returning at 11am. When we were dating it was a computer game and as silly as it sounds, it came down to me or the game because he would invite me over to watch a movie but he would sit at his computer and game out while I was supposed to watch the movie. We arent married thank goodness. But recently he purchased an old pickup truck and decided he is going to rebuild it. He turns it around and tells me to go do something to get away from the kids then. At weekends she is either teaching clinics or competing. It feels like hes my Dad sometimes. Even as a married couple before having kids he would have project cars that he would spend every evening and weekend outside with while I was inside alone and pregnant. This weekend was the first time in a year we managed to get away for more than a few hours; I managed to get her away for 2 nights. Infact hes out now more than ever. Saturday morning comes and my wife and kids will be hanging out in the house watching tv, on their devices, etc so sometimes I take this as an opportunity to get some work done in the house or yard, so will naturally navigate towards that. That is my husband too. An obsessive ex may want to know if you have a new partner or who your new love interest is. No nights out even before covid.hes obsessive with football and old TV things spends up to 3/5 hours watching crap before bed. The earlier you realize these signs and protect yourself from them the better for all parties. There is little to no interaction with me. No. He says he understands and that he agrees its too much, but the he goes and does it anyway. He can not tolerate seeing me not work on a project or chore while hes working. My husband loves our son so much and I believe he does think he is doing what is best. If your spouses favorite hobby or activity has stolen them from your marriage, it may be time to address the issue and set some boundaries. He plays golf two days a weekTuesday and Saturday. Money shifting is constantly a source of contention. He does not participate in any sport outside our home. My wife is supposed to be SUPPORTIVE and respect the hobbies and things I like to do, as long as it is within reason and leaving room for family and date nights which should come first. I need help. Im just the house keeper and hes the lodger. Why Im I the only one sad and lonely? Weve been together 16 years. Just wanted to say I hear you girl. There is really a thin line between being in love and being obsessed. So they constantly stalk you hoping that one day they can either witness your heartbreak or get back with you to hurt/harm you. Abs if that doesnt work then join them? He doesnt talk about bills or anything I handle everything on my own its like he doesnt face reality. My feelings are hurt, I thought this was our thing. I met him about five years ago and I thought he was a single dad because he always had his son with him. Its probably time to call for the question or be prepared to spend the rest of your life living this way. If this sign is ignored and you do nothing, it may affect any future relationship you have. To point now, he doesnt bother asking he just does it, its an addiction not a hobby anymore, if hes not racing at regionals or nationals all over the place. This is the harrowing moment a paedophile was caught dragging a suitcase containing a 12-year-old girl into his flat after kidnapping her and . (And I consider myself a pretty great athlete!) If your ex-partner is exhibiting BPD and you can clearly see these signs, it is advised to seek professional help as soon as possible because that might be his only option. Unless it was something truly damaging to someone. He us a lovely, caring man and I am glad he is my Husband but not at the cost of my individuality. As well as a younger daughter they both share, her husband's son who stays with them on a week-on, week-off basis, and has been walking to school himself since the start of the year. Make sure you know where every penny of your joint marital income goes. Over time he has surpassed my skills in each of these departments and has discovered he enjoys doing this with other hard-core guys, particularly skiing, and almost always leaves me at home. Another sign of obsessive ex syndrome is that they are always alone. Even though youre feeling upset, its important to approach your spouse with care. Like Alanon for friends of alcoholics. I get so mad when he tells me that because honestly, I dont have any hobbies! On the rare day she gets the afternoon off, she still has to be back at the yard by 4pm to give them dinner. My 25 year old boyfriend has autism and his interests and hobbies are anything involving a screen. My husband is the same with RC boats. My husband has gotten into 3d printing recently. He asked if he could join a disc golf league where they play every Monday night. Am I being unreasonable? My guess is youll never have to worry about these conversations. Step 4: Accept You Aren't Going To Forget Them. I mean jealousy itself sometimes can be cute. He is obsessed with his adult children, who are married with children of their own. This caused a lot of problems and distance between us emotionally. Yes, my husband is a car fanatic, maxed out on credit cards due to expensive car parts, car shows, etc. Oh honey, he has OCPD written all over him. In some cases, they might want you to cut off or stop talking to people they dont like or deem as a threat to them. But there's really no need to worry about who he is dating next or worry about overly personal things. He doesnt even wait for me to wake up or cuddle me in bed anymore, hes up usually till midnight- 2am tinkering with it and then wakes up at 6 am to start messing with it more. I felt like a queen, this is even with him coaching JV and VR high school baseball and also running a calripkin league tball-14 years old. Only trained mental health professionals can diagnose NPD, or other personality disorders. I am a teacher so now that its summer I am home with them all day long. Our son hates disc golf and Im starting to too. Obsessed people don't see anything other than themselves and what they want. Studying the vast and complicated world of relationships entices me, and I am constantly striving to learn more, so I can then help others with more knowledge and experience. He talks about it constantly and when we get home from a long day of work he watches people fish on his phone or looks up things he can buy like boats, truck parts, etc. Their opinion was that I suffer abandonment issues and CPTSD. OH well. I try to support him through that as much as I can. In general, he is happy with me being around, but he probably worries I can hurt myself. I just want him home with us. Sexual obsessions are persistent and unrelenting thoughts about sexual activity. Health, social security, possible l/2 pension, You oversimplify this hobby obsession problem by assuming the unhappy spouses are boring and frigid. My Parents Dislike My Spouse But We Live With Them. Then he goes on that evening like nothing ever happened. he lives 42 miles away. My husband is an addict. drug coverage, This would cost me thousands on my own but I am retired and only draw $500 in SS on my own. For most of us, moving forward means learning to accept things. I am so grateful for reading all these other stories. Let your spouse know that is feels like the obsession is beginning to take over, and while you want them to continue being able to enjoy their interests, youre going to need more focused time with themjust the two of you. 1.His contact with his parents becomes less -- this is often gradual, and his contact continues to lessen as his life gets busier. He of course took offense to that which I dont blame him. It is unrealistic really. My question is, how do I approach him now without him immediately becoming defensive? what can i do? He spends almost 100% of his time working in the shop, racing, texting racing buddies, searching the internet endlessly for car parts and cars. He says he is filled with shame and that he will curtail hunting to one or two yearly trips. They dont understand its not a womanits mountains, and airplanes, and cars and anything he likes doing. 2. I feel like I cannot make it anymore unless he stops loving mountaineering anymore and focus in spending all his time with me. Then if you try to have a heart to heart conversation about how the car stuff is coming between you two they cut you off and huff out of the room angry because you just dont want them to have anything of their own and that they need time to decompress well what about getting your fat ass out of the garage and taking a walk or a bike ride or working on the lawn or anything other than wasting hard earned money on a big metal piece of junk just so they can drive around and pretend theyre 17 again and have no responsibilities. Hence the I choose my hobby over you speech. It looks like there are several couples who have or are currently struggling to get a spouse to become engaged in time with them, and we certainly included in that number. If Im injured, dont feel up to playing, or we dont have a sitter he has no problem going without me. But mutual respect for ones passion should also be respected in my circumstances anyway. We are a family with 4 children (17,11,3,1), been married for 5 years. I am in his shadows, he told me I need to go do something so I stop nagging at him. Ive done all the things it says in here to do. I could have written them myself. To the entire group. My boyfriend of 7 years is a baseball freak/obsessed/fantasizes baseball. Hes a bit sneaky about it too he only tells me last minute that hes going out because subconsciously he knows I wont be happy about it. I am a teacher so now that its summer I am home with them all day long. I know the art is an addiction and family should be #1 but I feel so unfulfilled doing family stuff. He does beautiful work around our home and is a godsend. Ive thought about leaving many times because I know things will not change. etc. Fast forward 13 years. But his behavior is frankly terrifying, and the sensible thing for the surrogate to do would be to terminate the contract and pregnancy and get a restraining order, and I honestly hope she does. CNN . If you ask me, I'd say obsession doesn't let you breathe, while love makes you flourish. Thank you so much for these useful tips on how to approach an overwhelming hobby. Intense Monitoring. Jan 31, 2016 at 3:07 PM. I have also prayed for wisdom and renewal o four love relationship, as sometimes it just feels like we run our business as partners but only live as room-mates. Wow! We havent built a house but we built a 4,000 square foot garage that cost up over 250,000.00. I do not feel I am being hard or selfish in any way. Whether its cars, golf, music I go to the gym daily but I know my priorities. See how close they are and how often they hang out. I had no energy left. My young kids and I come 2nd. Its driving me insane. Im drifting away. An obsessive ex may want to know if you have a new partner or who your new love interest is. I tried to do it lovingly with positive words trying to reassure him that I dont want him to give it up completely, just scale it down a bit, but he rolled his eyes and said So youre gonna start that again? So what do I do? Because he was building my fence. When we were dating it was a computer game and as silly as it sounds, it came down to me or the game because he would invite me over to watch a movie but he would sit at his computer and game out while I was supposed to watch the movie. Hes finally realized that it wasnt fair for him to go all the time so he stays home on Thursdays while I ride. Life it too precious and short. But an obsessive partner would break these boundaries and start feeling entitled, living with the idea that the relationship never ended. We had our issues on getting along and agreeing on things. I cant have friends because they all think Im crazy to be with him and they dont know him, but they all think he must be cheating. We have 2 boys 10 and 10 months. Yes, please! Its February and Im still waiting!!! While he is not a neo nazi he says he has like the this time period for the history. He acted like he was ok my side then later says you dont even like my Mom. Sometimes I feel so fed up with this but I love him very much and dont want to give up. Now I dont care either. Causes. This tool will do just that and pull up any hidden social media and dating profiles, photos, criminal records, and much more to hopefully help put your doubts to rest. Now that your spouse has agreed to set some time aside to spend with you, its time for you to decide how to spend time when theyre occupied with their hobby. When we first got married hed spend every Sat from morning till evening working on the car in his Moms yard (where he stored it as we lived in an apartment). Thank you! "Let me tell you, these two gay men have . I have tried what this article says many times. That could be life altering. I cancelled our divorce and we are doing better than ever. I didnt really realize what was happening. I pay the bills for anything apart from the horses, I paid for the wedding, our house, any holidays, and our retirement savings.
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